The Queen: Having two birthdays is up there with the best of them

As she officially celebrates her birthday, the 'Queen' reflects on the latest round of honours and why 'the show must go on'

Official Birthday! There are many advantages to being Queen, but having two Birthdays each year is up there with the best of them. Edward came in first thing and woke one up by jumping on the bed. He’s more excited about one’s official Birthday than one is.

Opened the official cards and called Adele and Clare Balding to let them know one had made them MBEs and OBEs respectively. Clare Balding was a bit upset as she’d been expecting a Dame but Adele seemed quite happy, although one wasn’t entirely sure she knew what an MBE was. Told her it was kind of like a Brit Award, only internationally recognised.

Made Nick Clegg a Pantomime Dame for services to humour. This year’s Birthday Dishonour went to George Osborne for reasons that should be obvious. Ed Miliband got a Blue Peter Badge for effort, if not achievement.

Catherine was there in her last public engagement before delivering an heir. Mr and Mrs Middleton couldn’t make it, unfortunately – mainly due to not being invited

Got one’s Trooping the Colour swag on. Keeping it Royal. The DoE called to wish one a good time. It’ll be a bit strange without the old boy at one’s side. He said he was relieved not to have to see Mr Cameron, but one knows he’ll be wishing he were there. Still, he’s on the mend and that’s the main thing. The intravenous gin has made the world of difference, apparently.

Did wonder about taking the Bentley instead of a carriage for a change. Nothing worse than having a draft blowing across one’s crown jewels. But after about half an hour of trying we simply couldn’t persuade the horses to pull the car so a carriage it was. Took a hard top though for draft reasons.

The Duke of Kent hitched a ride as one had a spare seat. Charles, William and Anne rode along side and Edward went ahead in an open top carriage in full military uniform, mainly because he likes a hat with a feather.

Catherine was there in her last public engagement before delivering an heir. Mr and Mrs Middleton couldn’t make it, unfortunately – mainly due to not being invited. But Mrs “please call me Carole” Middleton called to say she’ll be watching it on TV as long as they managed to fix the aerial on the caravan.

One does like military music but it might be nice if they mixed it up a bit every now and then. Note to self, really must put in a few requests next year. One defies any soldier not to enjoy marching to We Will Rock You.

All the usual walking around and turning around and stamping and flag carrying and then back to the Palace for a fly past from the RAF and the usual balcony appearance. This year the RAF are flying onto Europe to pick up Bonnie Tyler, who’s refusing to leave until she’s won Eurovision, apparently.

Another year, another Official Birthday. Missed the DoE. But couldn’t help but think that William and Catherine will be doing this one day. The show must go on.

The 'Queen' is the unofficial Head of the Commonwealth, Defender of the Faith, wife of the DoE, mother, grandmother and author of Gin O'clock