New year's honours: the Queen explains

Twitter's monarch explains the choices from this year's list


Finally recovered from Christmas celebrations at Sandringham. If one ever sees a cold goose sandwich again it’ll be too soon, one can assure you. Decided to get back to business and hand out a few new year honours.

Olympics dominate, of course. Unfortunately one can’t honour oneself, although one’s entrance at the Opening Ceremony is clearly worthy of particular recognition.


Have decided to make Bradley Wiggins a Sir for services to sport and cycling, and mainly so the DoE can refer to him as “Knight Rider”.


Dave Brailsford is also Knighted, Sarah Storey is made a Dame and Grainger, Pendleton, Kenny and Trott are all made CBEs and OBEs for services to public transport, having encouraged a nation to give up on the Tube and get on their bikes.



"Andy Murray has been awarded an MBE for services to acting following his emotional interview after losing at Wimbledon."

In British maritime tradition, Ben Ainslie is knighted for services to sailing. We may have slipped a bit since seeing off the Spanish Armada but Britannia still rules the waves.


Jessica Ennis and Mo Farah have been made CBEs for services to sport and athletics and Andy Murray has been awarded an MBE for services to acting following his emotional interview after losing the Wimbledon final.


Away from sport, one has made Cherie Blair a CBE for putting up with Mr Blair for all these years. Funnily enough she’s quite happy to accept an honour from her Queen even if she makes a point of not curtseying to her.


Strange how all these raging republicans are quite happy to be associated with Royalty when one is placing ribbons round their necks. Sometimes would rather put something else around their necks but the ceremonial noose is up in the attic somewhere along with hundreds of placemats and Andrew's model helicopter collection.


Also made Tracey Emin a CBE as a thank you for the artwork she gave one for one’s Diamond Jubilee, which incidentally has made one a tidy little profit on eBay.



Lord Coe has been made a Companion of Honour on the strict understanding he will never, ever, give a public speech ever again, and the Met police commissioner Bernard Hogan Howe has been knighted for services to Downing Street policemen.


Politicians, of course, have not been forgotten, and this year one has decided to recognise the entire Cabinet in the new year dishonours for services to economic decline.


Mr Clegg has additionally been made a Pantomime Dame for his grovelling apology for making the tuition fees u-turn. Margaret Beckett has been made a Dame for being in politics for longer than anyone can remember whilst achieving absolutely nothing of note.


A special mention goes to Stella McCartney who has been awarded an OBE for services to fashion from such humble beginnings. How difficult it must be to start a business with a multi-millionaire and world famous father.


I wish you and those whom you love and care for a very happy new year.


Twitter's @Queen_UK is the unofficial Head of the Commonwealth, Defender of the Faith, wife of the DoE, mother, grandmother and author of Gin O'clock.